"The More Loving One"

W.H. Auden, 1957

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total darkness sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

Train Schedule

Hey, I swiped a service guide from the high speed train last time I rode, so... For future reference of myself and any random others who may have use of this information:

The train leaves Tanggu at... (hits Tianjin at...) and arrives at BJNan at...
C2274- 12:14pm (12:36) 1:10pm
C2276- 1:44pm (2:06) 2:40pm
C2278- 5:04pm (5:26) 6:00pm
C2280- 7:59pm (8:21) 8:55pm

The train leaves BJNan at... (hits Tianjin at...) and arrives in Tanggu at...
C2273- 10:45am (11:15) 11:39am
C2275- 12:35pm (1:05) 1:29pm
C2277- 3:55pm (4:25) 4:49pm
C2279- 6:50pm (7:20) 7:44pm

Wow... I cut it kinda close a couple of times...
Besides those, there are a butt-ton of rides between BJN and TJ starting around 6:30 am and going to 10:45/11pm.

Other useful information:
Cars 1 and 8 are 1st/2nd class cars
Car 5 is a 1st class car
Cars 2, 3, 6, and 7 are 2nd class cars
Car 4 is the bar car

Not THAT useful... but maybe you could use it.

what might have been

well. i am really embarrassed right now. i've been in the process of archiving all my old e-mails, and as a result, a lot of older correspondence has come floating to the surface of my inbox. one unread piece has been bugging me for a couple weeks now, so i went ahead and clicked on it, with the intention of glancing through and then archiving it once and for all. it turns out that this e-mail was NOT what i've been thinking it was.

i guess last year i started filling out an americorps vista application, but i THOUGHT that i decided to hold off on finishing it. i guess... that was not actually the case? this e-mail, just over a year old, was an offer of a job interview with an organization that i probably would have been thrilled to work for. craaaaaaap! i feel terrible now, but the reason i never opened it is because i assumed it was a random americorps update that i wasn't interested in reading at the time.

last february... i was seriously looking for a job. if i'd managed to get this position, i would still be in san francisco now, just finishing up the year-long commitment. what on earth would the past 12 months have been like if that were the case? it's enough to make a girl wonder if she's really better off the way things are now.

oh well, there's a lesson for me: READ ALL YOUR FRIGGIN E-MAILS.

ok, correction: i would have been in concord, NH, not san fran, but that just makes it even crazier. i think i feel bad mostly because i never responded. like, i'm sure they contacted lots of people besides me, but it seems so impolite. and now that i look at the details, yeah, i would have enjoyed this immensely. alas!

Ok, I looked it up

Wikipedia's explanation is actually pretty cool:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuanfen

2008

On the bus today, I got to thinking about parts of my back-story and my resume and all those things that, at face value, make me sound pretty good. And then I thought about why I can't account for the fact that most of the time, I don't feel like I'm actually as good as I sound.

At Sam's on New Year's Eve, I made up a resolution that was actually more of a goal. It was a good goal, but not a good resolution. But now I have both a goal and a resolution, and here they are:

My 2008 New Year's Resolution: To sound good and be as good as I sound.

My Goal for 2008: To once again become a functional and contributive member of society.

Haha! That's it! I just thought I should write it down somewhere.

The hair of the future

I saw it today. Today I saw the hair that I want and I stared at a girl on the bus (as surreptitiously as I could muster) until I could ascertain just how to get it. I think I've been presented with the same concept before, but the execution on this one was the best I've seen yet. She was asian and had some pretty stylin layers. One of the bottom layers though was alternately dyed different shades of pink and lavender, so the colors peeked out from the bottom, but didn't look trashy or anything. Well, at least not to me. But the point is, that one day... one day in the FUTURE, I will have that or a similar hairstyle, when I find myself in a comfortable and secure position. since it involves color... I may have to wait until I'm in school again. And then perhaps I'll follow it up with that faux hawk.